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"A ship in harbor is safe - but that is not what ships are for."  
—John A. Shedd

More than a label
The bare facts  

Local Resources/Groups that meet

Gay/Bi Married Men of Seattle
We are the group bringing you this web site.  The group and our meetings are described in depth in the section “Face to Face”. We meet every other Thursday.

Gay Fathers Association of Seattle
This is the “parent” group that the Seattle Married Men’s Group evolved from and is still a sub-group of.  It is a volunteer organization dedicated to providing a safe and supportive environment for all gay and/or bisexual men who have children. The Association seeks to promote community awareness, act as a referral and resource network, and provide peer support for the entire family.

The GFAS is primarily composed of men who are divorced or separated (as opposed to the SMMG where all the men are still married to their wives). The GFAS meet on alternate Thursdays and in the same location as the SMMG. Some men attend both groups. www.gfas.org

PUGET SOUND SPOUSE SUPPORT
This is a group for the straight spouses of gay men or lesbians.  They meet once a month in Bellevue.
Contact donna.nolan@comcast.net

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For Men…

MARRIED AND GAY
A very informative site with lots of information from the first-person perspective of a gay married man.  “These pages are principally for men who are gay or bisexual and married or in a relationship with a woman, and for their wives, partners or girl friends to help them to understand what might be going on. It is more of an information site than a discussion site.”
http://www.marriedgay.org/

A COMING OUT GUIDE FOR GAY DADS
The personal web site of a gay dad.  Good resources and FAQ section.
http://www.domani.net/richard/gaydads.html

GAY FATHERS ASSOCIATION OF SEATTLE
Great resources section (lots of them local to the Seattle area) with lots of good book recommendations.  “The GFAS is a volunteer organization dedicated to providing a safe and supportive environment for all gay and/or bisexual men who have children. The Association seeks to promote community awareness, act as a referral and resource network, and provide peer support for the entire family.”
http://www.gfas.org/Home.html

HOW (Husbands Out to their Wives)
A moderated e-mail list that includes bi/gay members who are married, separated, divorced, or in the process of getting a divorce. A few members are not out to their spouses, but want support in how to tell them or how to tell their children.
how-owner@groups.queernet.org

BMMA (Bisexual Married Men of America)
is an unmoderated email discussion group comprised of bisexual and gay married men. Exchanges are by email, not live, although many men arrange to chat in real time via their own commercial services or IRC (Internet Relay Chat). The discussion topics range from the spiritual, to sexual, to issues that all gay or bisexual married men face. To subscribe visit the BMMA website.
safersex.org/bmma

FORUM FOR BISEXUAL MEN
Married bisexual men discussing their relationships. groups.yahoo.com/group/forumformarriedbimenissues

CLOSED-LOOP RELATIONSHIPS
A closed-loop relationship consists of two geographically proximate married men who don't cheat on their wives with other women and who don't fool around with other guys. It's an actual friendship between the guys, not just a sexual liaison. And, the bond between the guys is separate from the married relationship they have with their wives. The goal is to provide marital stability and to bond with another guy. However, the definition has been extended to include one monogamous single man and a married man. To subscribe visit:
groups.yahoo.com/group/Closed-Loop

GAY MARRIED MEN GROUP
is a group for gay married men to talk and to support each other - they quote "Love between two persons, whether of the same sex or of a different sex, is to be respected.  To love another, whether of the same sex or of a different sex, is to have entered the area of richest human experience." the late Cardinal Basil Hume, Roman Catholic, Britain
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gaymarriedmen

GAY MARRIED MEN SUPPORT GROUP
This group was created to give support to married men who have always known or recently accepted that they may also be gay or bi. Issues are discussed here and support is provided to those who need it.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/marriedgays/

GAY MARRIED MEN/GAY DADS (formally an MSN community)
http://mature.www.worldgroups.com/grppage.wsif?t=Site\Group\Join\MSNfrontDoor&groupID=18479

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For Wives, and for the Straight Spouse (woman or man)…

SSN (Spouse Support Network)
Worldwide support network of heterosexual spouses and partners, current or former, of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender mates. Provides support and information for heterosexual spouses to resolve coming-out issues constructively and to build bridges between them and their GLBT partners and among family members. Peer contacts available for all spouses wherever they are on their journey, whether separated, divorced, or still married. A good resource site – lots of links and information.
http://www.straightspouse.org

ST8S (for the straight spouse only)
For straight spouses of bisexual, gay, or lesbian partners who are trying to keep their marriages intact and for keeping the relationship positive for those couples who are separating and divorcing. The Str8s List is not moderated; it is a closed list so that ONLY straight spouses will be members. The subscription list is private. To subscribe, send an email to:
ssml-subscribe@topica.com.

SSMOR (Straight Spouses in Mixed Orientation Relationships)
Straight Spouses in Mixed Orientation Relationships (SSMOR) is an Internet mailing list for straight spouses in relationships with bi/gay/lesbian partners who are working to strengthen their partnerships. By examining the many ways a mixed orientation relationship can evolve in today's society, we hope to build stronger and more fulfilling partnerships. SSMOR is designed to complement lists like SSML and HUGS-Couples, where membership can (SSML) or must (HUGS) include the bi/gay/lesbian spouse, by providing a space where STRAIGHT spouses can discuss issues SOLELY with other STRAIGHT spouses. The list includes both male and female members. Membership is confidential. To subscribe, send an email to:
SSMOR-subscribe@topica.com

ALTERNATE PATH
This is a group for help with finding alternative solutions to divorcing your Bi/Gay husband. We want to provide positive discussions that will help the wives adjust to the news that their husband is gay/bi.
groups.yahoo.com/group/alternatepath

WIVES OF BI/GAY HUSBANDS
is a closed membership of women (girlfriends, wives, and ex-wives) of bisexual or gay men. Because membership is closed, the women are free to explore the full range of emotions that are involved in the "coming out" process for the straight spouse. Wives of Bi & Gay Husbands is for the woman who seeks guidance, prayer, support and networking from other wives & women who are dealing with the confusion & loss in their relationship & the effects within the family.
groups.yahoo.com/group/WivesofBiGayHusbands

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For Both Husband and Wife…

HUGS (Hope-Understanding-Growth-Support)
HUGS is a list for couples of mixed sexual orientation who are working to keep their relationship strong and growing.  It provides a positive environment where these couples can express their concerns, share their successes, and give and receive support and encouragement.  The requirements for joining are:
1. The couple is of mixed sexual orientation; that is, one or both partners is g/l/b.
2. The couple is interested in and working on maintaining their relationship.
3. The couple desires to receive and give support in a positive way.
4. Since the list is for couples, both partners MUST join.

HUGS_Couples-owner@yahoogroups.com

SSML (Spouse Support Mailing List)
For both straight and gay spouses): The Spouse Support Mailing List (SSML) is a Internet mailing list for straight spouses and their bisexual, gay, or lesbian partners who are trying to keep their marriages intact and for keeping the relationship positive for those couples who are separating and divorcing. The list also includes couples where one is bisexual and the other gay or lesbian and where both are bisexual and working through issues in their relationship. Membership is confidential.
ssml-subscribe@topica.com.

MMOMW (Making Mixed Orientation Marriages Work)
This group has been created for those who are in mixed orientation marriages. Straight spouses who are married to gays or bisexuals and also the married gays and bisexuals themselves. This is a support group only. A place where we can get together and discuss ways we make our marriages work. Both members of the relationship are welcome here.
groups.yahoo.com/group/MMOMW

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Faith and Religion…

http://www.christiangays.com/index.shtml is a site specifically for gay Christians and their “gay links” page has links to scores of other gay Christian sites.

http://www.truthsetsfree.net/index.html is a gay Christian site whose founder, Justin Cannon, contacted us directly to include the Seattle Married Men’s Group in his information data base. Needless to say, I was very impressed with him.

http://www.soulforce.org/ is the site for Soulforce, a Christian gay activist site with a good “Resources” section.

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For Children…

COLAGE (Children Of Lesbians And Gays Everywhere)
COLAGE is the only national and international organization in the world specifically supporting young [eople with gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender parents. It provides education, support and community on local and international levels, to advocate for our rights and those of our families, and to promote acceptance and awareness that love makes a family. Email list for children 14+ and resources for younger children.
http://colage.org/
.

The local chapter has meetings for 6-12 years olds and also for older teens. Check out Seattle Colage at:
http://www.geocities.com/seattle_colage

PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons, their families and friends through: support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. PFLAG provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.
www.pflag.org

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